Free verse poem.. Spilling out everything tonight unedited

If I were to be honest tonight, I would probably say that I miss you so much
that I long to see your face, and hear your voice.
If I were to be honest tonight, I would really want to send a message to you right now
and say how much I want your presence and arms into mine.

If I were to be honest tonight, I would probably call you already and
say the things I am feeling right now.
If I were to be honest tonight, I would probably been crying now
because I know nothing will make us go back to the what we have been before.

If I were to be honest tonight, I would probably not suppress my emotions,
and let it wander through my cluttered thoughts.
If I were to be honest tonight, I would probably not stop my thoughts
from wandering through questions again and again.

If I were to be honest tonight, I would probably say that I wish you were still that guy
who I watched the movies with and hangout with.
If I were to be honest tonight, I would probably hope that you’ll stay loyal and faithful
just as what you promised before so none of this ever happened to us.

But I know that will never happen again.
And that every single bullet that is in me has been fired already.

So tonight, to You I surrender my thoughts,
To You I surrender this longing.
To You I surrender every wandering emotion.
To You, Father, I surrender again my heart.